oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
