grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's the barista slut.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
