I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
