i think i have two assholes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
