She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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