thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
