Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
