Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
