Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
