Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
