Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
