U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize