We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
