I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
