I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
