I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
