speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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