I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
