i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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