Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
