Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize