My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
