he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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