Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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