i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
