Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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