Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
