Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize