oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
