i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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