i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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