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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What? You're not speaking real words.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo everyone went to the hospital last night

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• (619): View more from California

  Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We will go to karaoke

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?

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• (310): View more from California

  Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor

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