Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
