I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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