Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
