i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
