ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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