four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize