He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
