guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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