If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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