Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up under a house in Key West
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
