Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
