Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
