maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
