i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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