hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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