And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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