I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
