I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
