Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
