its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
