I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
