One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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