they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
