she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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