You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
