it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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