me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
