C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize