I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
