Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
