Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
