roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
