Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's always time for handjobs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
