oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
