i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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