my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
