id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
