Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
