Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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