Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's shark week go big or go home
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
