Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
