Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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