It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
