my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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