I CAN MOONWALK!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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