His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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