The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
