I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just cropdusted the office
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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