Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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