It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
