I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
