Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
