OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i love accidental penises.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
