happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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