lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
