sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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