I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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