my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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