I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
