God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
