Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
this is an emotional support booty call
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
