I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
birth control should be required to get into college
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
