I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
