Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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