I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
