ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wear drunk well.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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