he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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