just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
