I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize