Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
