So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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