I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
